Ephesians 05: Mutual Submission

What if the most debated chapter in Ephesians is actually a blueprint for safety, trust, and courage at home? We open Ephesians 5 and find a throughline from living in the light to practicing mutual submission, with a bold challenge to trade numbing for the Spirit’s presence. Along the way, we unpack why gratitude, worship, and wisdom aren’t extras for “super Christians,” but daily habits that reshape how we love, lead, and respond when life gets loud.

We set the context of Paul writing from prison, then trace his movement from identity to practice: avoid the shadows that cheapen desire, discern what pleases God, and choose formation over performance. From there, we tackle the household passage with fresh honesty. Husbands are called to Christlike love that sacrifices, protects, and lifts their wives toward wholeness in God. Wives are called to respect and align with that kind of love, responding to leadership grounded in service rather than control. Equal value, distinct responsibilities, and a shared anchor in Christ become the framework for a healthy marriage—not a perfect one, but a resilient one.

We also get practical. If trust has eroded, start small: a simple prayer at dinner, a device-free meal, a short Scripture reading, a word of affirmation when your spouse makes a spiritual effort. Celebration fuels courage; criticism stalls growth. Singles will find a clear path, too—choose healing over escape, community over isolation, and partners who prefer light to drama. Whether you’re rebuilding or beginning, Ephesians 5 offers more than rules; it offers rhythms that help a home breathe again.

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The More We Dig. The More We Find.

Scripture quotations taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation (NLT).
Copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation.
Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Transcript

Welcome And Today’s Focus

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Bible Breakdown Podcast. Every day, we take one chapter of the Bible, dig deeper, and discover that the more we dig, the more we find. You can find out more at the BibleBreakdown.com. Now let's grow in God's Word together. Well hello, everybody. Welcome back to the Bible Breakdown Podcast with your host, Pastor Brandon. Today, Ephesians chapter 5. And I'm going to give this one a title, Mutual Submission. Mutual Submission. I almost called this the most controversial chapter in the entire book of Ephesians. And I don't really think it is. I think it's very misunderstood. We're going to talk about what a healthy marriage relationship in the eyes of God looks like. And it's going to be fun. Okay. We're going to do that in just a moment. But as always, if you like what we're doing here, make sure you like, share, and subscribe to the YouTube channel. We are on the road to 1,000. We're getting really close. And I would love, no matter how you take in this podcast, because it's podcasts, YouTube videos, all kinds of things. I'd love for you to go to the YouTube channel and like, share, and subscribe it to it because it really helps us out a lot. Also, for the podcast, thank you so much for everybody who was part of that. And I want to say a real quick thank you to someone's name that I cannot say because it is a whole bunch of letters. It's I'm the one you something. I don't know what it is, but it said, God's word is alive. I'm excited every day to learn with Pastor Brandon. My aunt attends your church and recommended this podcast to me. And it is amazing how much you learn when you take it in one chapter at a time. And even though I can't pronounce your name, I'm super sorry, I agree with you completely. I love that we get to read God's word one chapter at a time. Because so many times I've tried to do a Bible reading plan and I get lost and I get behind and I just quit. One chapter at a time gives us an opportunity to truly understand what's going on. So I love it. And if you want to know more about all that, you can go to our Facebook discussion group at Bible Breakdown Discussion and we can learn more of that together. And I'm gonna tell you something. The more we dig, the more we find. And speaking of that, if you have your Bibles, you want to open up with me to Ephesians chapter 5. We're gonna get into it. Now, as we get ready to get into this, remember the overall idea of Ephesians is Paul's in prison. He's in prison in Rome and he is writing back to this wonderful church that he loves. And he spends the first half talking about how important it is to know who we are in Christ and what Christ has done for us. And then in the second half, four, five, and six, he talks about how to grow and become everything that God has created us to be. Yesterday in chapter four, we talked about the idea of fighting for unity. And then in chapter five, he talks about the idea of living in the light. And then one of the things we do to fight for unity is that in a marriage relationship, we mutually submit to one another. And that can be really difficult because everyone thinks what is normal is the environment they came from. So if you came from an environment where one part of the relationship was super passive and one was aggressive, that's what you think. If both are passive, if both were aggressive, or maybe you grew up in a single-parent home and all you did was watch TV and you think that that TV relationship is what real relationships look like, Lord help you, right? I'm gonna go ahead and tell you this before we even get into this. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. But there can be a healthy marriage, and that's part of what God's Word is talking about. And so I want to tell you, we're gonna read the first half, which is not about marriage, then we're gonna read the second half, and I want you to go ahead and know something. Knowing about marriage is good for these kinds of people. People who are not married but want to, people who are married, and people who are not married and don't want to. In other words, it's good for everybody. Because if you live in this world, you need to know what a healthy relationship looks like, right? So this is for everybody. And so let's jump in, Ephesians chapter 5, verse 1. Let's see what God's Word says. Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. I love that picture, by the way, of almost have this mental picture of a little kid walking with his dad, and he's holding his dad's hand, and he's looking up and kind of you know taking his cues from his father. And that's what Paul is encouraging us like keep a watch on God to see how you're supposed to live. And he says, this is how you do it. Verse three, let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God's people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes, these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the kingdom of God, of kingdom of Christ, and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. Don't be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him. Don't participate in these things that uh don't participate in the things that these people do. For once you were full of darkness, but now you have the light of the Lord. So live as people of the light. For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true. Carefully determine what pleases the Lord, and take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness. Instead, expose them. It is shameful to even talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret, but their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them. For the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, for Christ will give you light. So be careful how you live. Don't live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don't act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Don't be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts, and give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Now he just said a lot, but two things I want you to bring, I want to bring out to you really quickly is number one, he says in verse 10 and 15, carefully determine what pleases the Lord and be careful how you live. Don't live like fools, but live like the wise. Don't act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Which means God wants you to know his word. And since he has his word for us, that leaves us with no excuse to say, Well, I didn't know that God didn't want me to do that. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because we have access. And God's word says, know what God wants you to do so that you can live in freedom. One of the things that he says right here is don't be drunk with wine because it will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Notice it doesn't say you can't have a drink. It, I mean, all through the Bible, for heaven's sake, Jesus turned water into wine. Okay. Now we can argue all day long about how much alcohol was in the wine and all that kind of stuff. It was still wine, okay? So the Bible doesn't say you can't have a drink that has alcohol in it. It says don't be drunk. In other words, don't drink to excess. Well, why? You know why? Because that will ruin your life. You know what God's interested in? He's not interested in the amount of alcohol in that one drink. He's interested in what it leads to. And the reason why God says, I'd prefer you to not get drunk, no, I'm not even, I prefer don't get drunk, is because he's interested in your life. And here's the thing here, here, here's a personal preference. There's a place in the Word of God where Paul says, This is not a command, this is just how I feel, is what I'm going to tell you. As your pastor, I would encourage you to pray about not drinking any alcohol at all. You know why? Because I have walked with so many people who said, when I started drinking alcohol, I started making stupid choices. I've never had a single person say, you know what, pastor, I was really struggling. But then I started going and getting drunk every weekend, and my life got better. Actually, you know what they say is, you know, it was fun, but after a little while it started not becoming fun. And after a little while, it started ruining my life. Turns out God knows what he's talking about. And so that's why I'll tell people, can you find another way to relax? Can you find another way to have fun with the guys or have fun with the ladies without having to get drunk? You know why? Because it'll ruin your life. But that's for you to have to decide how much is too much. But instead, God's not just saying don't. He's saying, you know what I'd rather is instead of getting drunk, I'd rather you get filled with the Holy Spirit. Because the reason why a lot of people uh have an excess of alcohol or whatever is because they're trying to medicate a broken place. They're trying to medicate a worry or a fear. They're trying to medicate something. And what God is saying is rather than medicating something, I want you to be filled with the Holy Spirit so I can heal you of whatever that is. I don't want to put a band-aid on it. I want to do surgery so you can be healed and you can be whole. And that's God's hope for you. Well, now that we got that out of the way, let's talk about what a mutual relationship looks like. So you ready? Here we go. Let's finish this chapter and then we're going to talk about it. Verse 21. And further submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is head of the church. He is the savior of his body, the church. And as the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. Verse 25. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church, and he gave his life for her, to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church, as members, and we are members of his body. For as the scriptures say, says, a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. This is a great mystery, but is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So I say again, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and each wife must respect her husband. Do we want to sit and let that marinate for a minute? I get it. But here's the thing. I love the first part of that verse, verse 21, that says, further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. And so here's the thing. Here is the divine order of the home. God's word says, first in every relationship is Himself, God. After that, positionally, authority-wise, the husband. Then the wife, then kids. Now, here's the thing. For all of you out there who has a job, and I hope that's all of you, unless you're retired, y'all, or whatever, I d whatever that is, situation you find yourself in, is your boss more valuable? Like as a human being, are they more valuable than you are? The answer is no, of course not. All of us are made in the image of Christ. We all have equal worth and value. But when it comes to making the harder choices, who's more responsible at work? Like who's whose neck is on the line? The boss is, right? It's the same thing when it comes to the order in the home. Men and women are equal in value in the eyes of God. In the eyes of God, a husband and wife are equal in value. Positionally, there has to be a leadership structure so that we know who's accountable for what. And so, therefore, in the household, yes, the husband is the positional authority in the house, but equal to his wife when it comes to worth, value, dignity, and worthy of honor. And so the husband is the head of the wife when it comes to positional, which also means when we get to heaven one day, if we make Christ our Lord, you know what the God's going to ask that husband, how did you care for your wife? How did you care for your kids? Do you know what no woman is going to be asked when she gets to heaven? No woman when she gets to ask when she gets to heaven, no woman is going to be asked, How did you lead your husband? That is not going to be asked because that is not how that's supposed to work. So husbands have more accountability than wives do. And here's the thing. Therefore, wives, you know what God's Word says is that you are to submit to your husband as to the Lord. Now, do you only submit to your husband or do you only submit to the Lord when you like what he has to say? Or do you submit to the Lord in all things? Okay. Submit to the Lord as you submit to your husband as like with the same attitude that you would submit to the Lord, for the husband is head of his wife as Christ is head of the church. He is the savior of his body, the church, talking about Christ. And as the church submits to Christ, so wives should submit to your husbands. To which I hear you ladies saying, uh-uh. I ain't gonna do that. I don't want to you know why? After talking to, at this point, hundreds of women, the reason why, and listen to this guys, the reason why ladies don't want to submit to husbands is because they don't trust you. They don't trust that you're gonna put God first and then them next. They don't want to submit to you because they don't trust that you have their best interests in mind. And can I tell you, for a lot of wives, I don't blame you. I don't I don't I don't blame you. But here's the question, ladies. I get why you don't want to submit to a husband that you can't trust. But when you hear what God has called husbands to do, I have not yet met a lady that when I said, Would you follow this guy? I've never met a lady that said, No. This is what God's called us men to do. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. Gee, Pastor Brandon, how much does Christ love the church? Let me tell you exactly how much. It says, He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean and washed with the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without spot or wrinkle. In the same way, husbands, you ought to love your wives as you even love your own body. In other words, what a husband is called to do is to lay his life down for his wife, and his job is to make her complete in Christ. Whoa. Ladies, would you mind following a guy who said, My number one goal is to serve God. My number two goal is to serve my family and to make my wife and to lead my wife to be whole and complete in Christ. The more she loves Jesus, the more I'm doing my job right. That's somebody I want to I'd want to follow if I was a lady. And then on the other side, guys, I hear you going, well, you know why I don't want to lead? Is because that lady ain't following Jesus. All she wants to do is spend money. All she wants to do is do that right ever. But would you mind? Would you want to lead somebody who followed you, who loved you? Do you know what? You know what every lady needs? Avery, most ladies need. They need to know, husbands, that they can trust you. They need to feel safe, they need to feel secure, and they need to feel like you are trusted. You are trustworthy. Guys, guys need to be somebody's hero. Guys need to be somebody that is needed, somebody who is wanted, and somebody who is um appreciated. If you find a lady who builds up her man, who encourages her man, who says, Man, you lead us off a cliff, I'm gonna follow you because I trust you. I trust you'd never do that. I trust you can lead us the right way. I love you. I am with you, man. I am your ride or die. I'm gonna do whatever. I let's do this. And then you have a husband that says, and you know where I'm leading? I'm leading to bring us as close as we can to Jesus. I'm gonna support you, I'm gonna support our family, I'm gonna make you the best woman of God you can ever be. And then that makes her follow and it goes back. And you know what that does? That creates a healthy, not a perfect, but a healthy marriage because no one's gonna do that 100% of the time. So here's the challenge. I meet with people all the time that say this. I meet with men who say, Pastor, my wife won't let me lead. So we're in trouble. And I meet with ladies who say, Pastor, I don't trust my husband. So I can't let him lead. Or I want him to lead, but he won't. So you know what happens is is we end up talking right past each other. So this is what I want to encourage you to do, and we're gonna end our time together because this is a long podcast, but there's a lot to chew on here. Is here's a couple things for you to pray about trying. First of all, is to have an uncomfortable conversation with your spouse. I want you to sit down. If you're not married, then I want you to pray for all these poor, poor fools who are gonna have to do this. But I want you to pray for them, and then you get ready to look for a man or to look for a woman one day who does these things. Okay. But here's the thing. If you're married, I want you to sit down and read Ephesians 5, verse 21 through 33. And then say, How can I best take one step in that direction? How best can I take that step? Wives. Hey, husband, I want to trust you. And what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna start praying for you. I'm gonna start praying that God lays on you the immense weight and responsibility that you're accountable for as my husband. And I'm gonna pray that God gives you a desire to be a man of God. Then husbands, I am going to learn to lay what it means to be a man of God and to lay my life down. And I'm gonna learn how to serve you. Now, that doesn't mean you become a slave, but you lead by serving. One example, and I'll and I'll share it with you, and we'll we'll end. Ladies, anytime your husband takes a spiritual step forward, celebrate it. If he prays over dinner, praise the Lord for this food, amen. I'm gonna tell you something. That was the best prayer I ever heard. Woo, that that moved me, my friend. That was amazing. That was awesome. I love that. Anytime he takes a spiritual next step, anytime he tries to spiritually lead the family, celebrate it. Don't tell him how he did it bad. You know what that's gonna make him do? It's gonna make him want to take his ball and go home. Remember? Because he he wants to be appreciated and he wants, he wants to know that that you love him. He wants to know that you value him. So let him know. And then, guys, you want to show you how to lead your family? Say, hey, family, tomorrow night, 6 p.m., turn all the cell phones off. We're gonna eat dinner around the table, and we're gonna, I'm gonna read a chapter out of God's word. Or I'm gonna delegate for someone else to read a chapter out of God's word. And we're gonna read God's word. I don't want to. I don't care. This is what we're gonna do. We're gonna love each other, we're gonna love Jesus. Well, Pastor, my schedule doesn't work. We'll figure it out. But figure out a step, a spiritual next step. And it's gonna be hard and it's gonna be difficult, it's gonna be uncomfortable. That's too big a step for me, Pastor. Okay, great. Well, right before bed, right before you get up, you say, Hey, before you walk out that door, grab them by the hand, and you pray the goodness of God over them. Is that everything? No. Is it something? Yes. And what will happen is you will see very slowly, God start to create that rhythm of a healthy relationship. And the question is, are you willing to mutually submit to one another? And if you are, good days are ahead. It's not all the steps, but it is a step in the right direction. Let's pray. God, thank you so much that you care about our relationships. You care about the things that matter in our life. I pray today we've talked about alcohol, we've talked about mutual submission to one another, we've talked about living in the light. There's so many things in this text. I pray, Holy Spirit, that you reveal only what you intend to heal. Lord, it's entirely possible that for some of the people listening, Lord, they're in a marriage relationship, and they don't feel like they can have that conversation with their spouse. I pray that right now you'll start that movement in their own heart. You'll give them the peace to know that you're working. Lord, for some, Lord, they're not married. I pray, Lord, you'll focus them on another area. But Lord, in all things, you'll have your way in their life. We celebrate God that you see us where we are and you move us to every next step. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. And amen. Well, God's word says in uh Ephesians chapter 2, verse 10, that we are God's masterpiece. And he created us anew in Christ Jesus so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. God's got a plan for your life, and it's not to be perfect, but it is to be healthy one step at a time. I love you. I'll see you tomorrow for the finale of Ephesians, Ephesians chapter 6.